An Iffy Feeling

Before starting off I’d like to warn that most of u’d be better off not reading this post. I really feel u’d not enjoy this coz this is a blog, from me, to me. I can hear the question, “then why is it here?”. The answer is that I’ve given up writing a diary so I needed to write this somewhere. Of course u can read along if u have a lot of time, or else this is the right time to snap out of here.

There are good times & there are bad times, but what are worse are the times when u really can’t make out if it is actually good or bad. Right now, unfortunately I’ve prodded into that territory. Sometimes it feels that things are just not going my way & the other time I see a strange mystery unfolding & that urges me to take things optimistically.

I suddenly find the life to be at a standstill after some real action earlier this year. Many a friends of mine also feel the same way & most of them already placed like me, fancy being into their professional life as early as possible. For me though, I think the other way round, maybe coz I’ve seen many a people who don’t stop being pleasantly nostalgic about their student lives & not to mention, rue over their decision to take up a job that’s as exacting as that of daily wage labour’s job. So I still know that this has to be the best part of my life. But the big problem still remains that ‘the best part’ is yet not visible to my eyes. The earlier years of college life had been much more enjoyable than they are now. The tension of a future however is a bit on the lower side. I just sense that most of us have been too complacent & so much so that even going on to a short tour to some place, that we were so much used to earlier, appears to be big decision for all of us.

The time I spend in college is great, but it is too less & rest of the time being at home feels like being in prison. In recent past my preparations for other competitive exams have also taken a blow, I find myself in a dilemmatic situation where I don’t really know what to do. What hurts me most is that, at times no one seems to be bothered much about what happens with me. I may be over reacting a bit but the whole world appears to be so busy that even a few things that matter a lot to me doesn’t matter to them at all, not expected also, but then it hurts.

Surely at times I also get too carried away with myself & my close ones & hence ignore some of the most important people of my life & actually I’d love to believe that it is just a coincidence when everyone I want to spend time with have all got carried away for a short period.

Now being an optimist from within, I got to find a few ways out of this iffy phase. Yes maybe I need to spend more time with my college dudes, freak out with them. Go & watch some David Dhawan mindless comedies, listen to some jazzy & peppy music. Finally, like I’ve always done I must give everyone more space, get back to my normal self, try and feel better. But firstly my expectations from others must be done away with, time and again I do expect too much from people around me & just need to keep it down now. I know I can shrug this off with a bit of effort & logical thinking.

Again here some people would misunderstand me thinking that I’m trying to be self exaggerative, as they have done before, but I would just say that I’m trying & giving a vent to my silly emotions, which I hope would move away with time. Now before ending , please all my readers, don’t take this personally as this is targeted to none of u all & specially u, my only regular reader!